


Murphy's Law

by thealphagate_archivist



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: First Time, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-03-31
Updated: 2006-03-31
Packaged: 2019-02-02 05:47:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,239
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12720870
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thealphagate_archivist/pseuds/thealphagate_archivist
Summary: Murphy's Law is true in any situation, especially for Jack and Daniel.





	Murphy's Law

**Author's Note:**

> Note from the archivists: this story was originally archived at [The Alpha Gate](https://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Alpha_Gate), a Stargate SG-1 archive, which began migration to the AO3 in 2017 when its hosting software, eFiction, was no longer receiving support. To preserve the archive, we began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2017. We e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are this creator and it hasn't transferred to your AO3 account, please contact us using the e-mail address on [The Alpha Gate collection profile](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/thealphagate).

1\. Nothing improves with age.

"General, sir? What's your opinion?"

"You have a go, kids."

"Sir?"

"Jack?"

"What?"

"O'Neill, I believe you were not listening."

"I was. I have to; I'm the General. The secret base was a bust. Bottom line, Carter. Remember that."

2\. Love is a hole in the heart. 

"For crying out loud! It's not a heart attack!"

"No, it isn't," Doctor Brightman agreed.

"It is not-- Then what is it?"

"Heartburn."

"Ah. I don't have heartburn, Doctor."

"You do now, General."

"I don't. Pizza doesn't give heartburn. On the other hand, Daniel does."

"Doctor Jackson?"

"Oh, you know. When he starts babbling, he can't stop. He can give more than heartburn. Indigestion, ulcers, constipation."

"Excuse me?"

"Ah, never mind. I'll be in my office."

"Sir! I still have to do some tests!"

3\. The later you are running, the greater the chance of hitting every red light in your path.

"Jack! Jack, open the door!"

"Stop banging! I'm coming."

"Are you feeling all right, Jack? You look red for the lack of better description."

"Was doing something in the garden. You know, gardening."

"Gardening?"

"Uh, yeah. Plants, grass, trees, watering, digging."

"Hate to tell you, Jack, but I'm not buying it. And what is that?"

"That's porn."

"It's not your usual kind of porn. There are no chicks with inflated boobs in these mags."

"Yeah. So?"

"Jack, is there anything you want to tell me?"

"You were late and I was bored."

"Ah--"

"No, Daniel. I don't wanna talk about it. I thought you weren't coming."

"Have I ever been on time?"

4\. Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation; the other eight are unimportant.

"I missed it."

"What? Watching R-rated movies?"

"I don't watch R-rated movies."

"Yeah, sure, you bet. To each his own. I watch 'Basic Instinct', you drool over Ancient Greek urns."

"Jack!"

"So, what did you miss?"

"Sex. I still miss it."

"Carter's getting some. And Teal'c's getting some."

"And that's supposed to make me feel better?"

"Well, no. I suppose watching 'Basic Instinct' with me isn't doing any good either?"

"Nope. It just makes me miss it more."

"Let's eat some pizza."

5\. Abstain from wine, women, and song; mostly song.

"Yeah, everyone knows Kirk and Spock were doing it."

"They weren't. Daniel, you have now officially destroyed my childhood memories."

"But, sir! It's not his fault that 'Space Taxi' shows what everyone knows."

"Carter, I didn't hear that. Look! I've got fingers in my ears. T, will you lose the grip on the remote!"

"O'Neill, I'd like to indulge more in Tau'ri pop culture. The SGC does not provide this channel."

"See! Teal'c is the only one who can understand the significance of music channels for the propagation of popular ideas among the youth."

"Daniel, Teal'c is over a hundred years old. And you're drunk."

"So are you, Jack. And so's Sam. Come to think of it, so is Teal'c."

"I am not. I am inebriated."

6\. The enemy always has the advantage.

"She's got hots for you, Daniel. Be careful."

"Who?"

"Doctor Brightman."

"Doctor Brightman? She seemed quite interested in some of the ideas about cross-pollination and its influence on medicine--"

"Yadda, yadda. She's not interested in cross-pollination. Or maybe she is, but in one of a different kind."

"So?"

"So? What are you going to do about it?"

"I could ask her out to dinner. There's nothing dangerous about that."

"Why?"

"Because she's a beautiful and intelligent woman."

"Yeah, she's a woman. She's a dangerous woman, Daniel. She's your doctor."

"But she's a beautiful woman."

"What happened to intelligent?"

7\. All the good ones are taken.

"So, did you ask her?"

"No. She did. She asked me to dinner tonight. It was actually quite charming."

"And?"

"I turned her down."

"Why?"

"I have my reasons."

"Daniel."

"Jack?"

"Daniel?"

"I just don't know. I felt I shouldn't go out with her."

"Why? Other woman? I haven't noticed any other dangerous women around you. Lately."

"Are you-- Are you suggesting that I like dangerous women? And-- What do you mean by lately?"

"Oh, I don't know. There was the Destroyer of Worlds, the sarcophagus addict..."

"Jack!"

"...Carter."

"I don't like Sam. I mean--"

"You like her. As in *like* her."

"Of course I like Sam."

"See? Told ya. Dangerous,"

"Hm. You think we should warn Pete?"

"Nah. He'll find out on his own. Anyway, are we on tonight?"

"Yeah, seven p.m. sharp."

"When have you been on time, Daniel?"

8\. If you get them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow.

"Daniel. Wasn't expecting you. Come in."

"Yeah, I can see that. In fact... keep it behind closed doors."

"Uh, yeah. It's the second time that you caught me almost with my pants down. Embarrassing."

"I'd say so, but I'm getting used to it. In fact, I wish you had your pants down."

"Daniel, what are you... aah, doing?"

"I can stop if you want me to."

"Daniel. Put..."

"Yes, Jack?"

"...your hand where it was."

"Gladly."

9\. No sex with anyone in the same office.

"Jack. You do have your own office. You know that, don't you?"

"Yep. But you aren't there."

"I'm here."

"Exactly. Since you're not there, but you're here, it means that you aren't there, so I have to come here, and then I'm here and you're here."

"Jack, we're at work. I have work to do. Don't you?"

"Yeah, I do. I'll be in my office."

*Trrr trrr trrr*

"Daniel Jackson."

"Daniel. Have you missed me?"

"Jack! You've just been here!"

"So? I can't stop thinking about what we could have done in your office. Who I could have done."

"Jack, we can't be doing this at work!"

"It's a safe line."

10\. Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.

"Daniel! What was that?!"

"I was trying something new."

"You could've told me earlier."

"You wouldn't have agreed."

"Of course I wouldn't! Why would you ever think of sticking your tongue there?"

"Was it good?"

"What?"

"You heard me. Was it good?

"Hm."

"Well?"

"Yeah. So? I don't like the idea!"

"You don't have to like the idea. You are supposed to like the act. Did you?"

"Yeah. But I have to come to terms with it."

"But you want me to do it again?"

"I'll think about it."

"Okay. What do you say about kissing me now?"

"You keep that tongue away from me! There's a bottle of mouthwash in the bathroom."

"No sense of adventure whatsoever."

11\. If it's stupid but it works, it isn't stupid.

"What's this, Jack?"

"Dinner."

"You're wearing an apron."

"I cooked."

"For me?"

"Yes. Stupid, wasn't it?"

"For me?"

"No, for Teal'c but he cancelled at the last moment."

"Meaning me? Me having a dinner cooked by you, with you?"

"Yes, Daniel."

"Thank you! Can we order pizza now?"

"I cooked!"

"I know. I love you anyway."

12\. Everything tastes more or less like chicken.

"Jack? Why don't we go somewhere for the weekend?"

"Where?"

"To your cabin?"

"You want to go fishing?"

"No, I want to go to your cabin."

"Why?"

"Because."

"Then we may as well stay here. It doesn't matter where we are, but that we are."

"Wow, that was meaning of life stuff, Jack."

"I was thinking about sex, Daniel."

"Oh. So was I. Are we one track minded?"

"Yes, we are. Does it bother you?"

"Not really."


End file.
